Thursday, February 14, 2013

It's in His Kiss



“If you wanna know if he loves you so, it's in his kiss...” The Shoup Shoup Song, Betty Everett

Think about it. What would cause any two people to press their lips together? Where in the cosmos would they get that inexplicable idea, I mean, how did all this lip pressing start? Because when you do think about it, it's just a rather weird concept. Regardless of how strange the action might seem, kissing is an electrifying sensation that is certainly better than what you thought it was going to be like during those prepubescent years before your hormones kicked in and your pigtails quivered as you screamed that boys were icky. But the magic of a kiss only manifests if kisser and kissee vibes hook up... a kiss is far more than all that pumped up, plumped lipped, movie and romance novel sensationalism. In actuality it's a bio-chemical reaction, a taste of compatible pheromones... and it determines more about you to a potential partner than you may have realized. A kiss historically sealed the deal in both business and love, and oftentimes death, but it can also unequivocally disqualify you as a probable partner from that girl you're trying to woo into the darker recesses of your after hours room.

Although kisses of affection are mentioned in ancient Greek and Roman literature, it was modern western civilization that popularized it. Kissing wasn't a routine occurrence and in the Middle Ages it was solely an upper class sign of refinement... the lower classes never bothered with lip grazing. In many cultures it's about rubbing noses but more like sniffing each other out. Up here in mountain country, it's a great way to warm up the lips and get the blood circulating faster... grown men will actually tremble and women will often turn pale and then blush when their lovers approach. But then, the same affliction occurs when most mountain resort dwellers see fresh powder on the slopes. Or consume a case of Pibbers. It's all about love and chemistry.

Although there's plenty of cinematic direction in learning how it's done, nothing prepares you for the first kiss after the built up anticipation, after the flirting, the prolonged gazing, blushing and moving in closer for the kill. It is pure sweetness embodied. There is the issue of available subjects to practice the art of kissing on in small western communities and especially the hard to get to and out of mountain towns in the winter. Fortunately, there is internet and if you google the words “kiss practice tips,” you'll find a variety of suggestions and techniques but the best one is the short youtube.com video which suggests that positioning your thumbs together mimics two lips that you can practice on. At first, I thought this was a well done spoof video, however, it is not, which makes it all the more hilarious until I realized that an entire generation of teens will be in therapy for the rest of their lives if they follow this guide. No one I have ever kissed had lips that felt like or resembled thumbs... cold, cracked lips, beards iced from skiing, yes, but never thumbs.

For those who think they've got it down, there's always room for improvement according to the Advanced Kissing Date Camp youtube video that sports schlocky music and a living room class of disenchanted couples sitting on the floor in front of a blazing fireplace with two rather predictably enraptured, dowdy teachers explaining how to kiss. Haven't we evolved enough for canoodling to be instinctive, spontaneous and unrehearsed? And if we need experimentation what was wrong with those innocent teen kissing games played in the basements and rumpus rooms across America? Spin the Bottle? Post Office?

You might not be able to remember what you had for lunch yesterday, but you will undoubtably remember your first kiss. My first heartfelt kiss was not reciprocal, in fact, it wasn't actually a real kiss. I smacked onto a full page magazine photo of Beatle George Harrison (I wasn't practicing and abusing one's thumbs-as-lips definitely wouldn't have occurred to me). He was everything the fantasy mind of a Beatle fanatic 13-year old could want. I was so convinced that George would fall in love with me that I wrote a long story about it detailing our meeting, the concerts, our lives together writing music Рfilling pages upon pages of a looseleaf binder that somehow, unfortunately, landed on the desk of my junior high school guidance counsellor and for which I was abruptly yanked out of class, marched to her office and chastised for the offense of being a teenage girl with raging delusional dreams. She tossed my six months of work into her trash can and as I fought back the tears, she dragged me down the hall and threw me into the school paper's newsroom, barking at me to do something meaningful. At the time, I didn't see what could be more significant than having George Harrison realize I was his one and only love after he read my expos̩. And because of that damn guidance counsellor I'm still paying penance to newspapers.

Ah, but kiss is dope, literally and physically. When you kiss, your brain releases Dopamine which is the same thing that happens if you take cocaine only legal, cheaper, safer, it lasts much longer and hopefully it's far more stimulating. A kiss is rich in promise... true love's kiss woke Sleeping Beauty and Snow White and turned Beauty's Beast back into a handsome prince. Many a songwriter have made lucrative residuals from hit singles about kissing. It is culturally encoded in us.

So would-be lovers, take note, the bottom line is this: you may be gorgeous and even rich, you can weave a spellbinding tale of adventure and promise, serenade with your song, write poetry that would make the angels sigh, entice with the finest dark chocolates and sweetly chat up the night but in the end it really all does comes down to just shut up and kiss me.

All Ruby's Road blogs and photos copyright by Dawne Belloise unless otherwise noted